Car people are amongst the best, most engaging people around, but I’ll be honest. Sometimes I flee to LEGO forums just to get away from them.
I don’t understand why making a car look like it’s sitting on the potty is somehow this great thing called stance. I don’t understand why the new Supra should be engineered by anyone except the people who gave us the M3. I don’t understand why the Audi TT is a stupid hairdresser’s car whilst the VW Karmann Ghia, which only went as fast as a Beetle with luggage, gets away with nothing but respect.
Most of all, though, I don’t get why we can’t accept that brown is a hue that has just as much place on a car as German Racing Silver.
1) IT’S A BEAUTIFUL SEVENTIES SHADE
Brown evokes the romance of sitting down with a cigarette, back when they were healthy, and laughing your moustache off as Basil Fawlty plonked Manuel on the head with a dessert spoon.
Everything seventies is rapidly moving from being dated to being lovely, and it’s bringing orange and brown with it.
2) BROWN IS THE COLOUR OF COCOA
Looking at a brown Porsche 911 and saying it’s the colour of poo is like looking at a painting of a beautiful garden and pointing out that the green of the shrubbery is exactly the same as what you just sneezed into your hankie.
Faece does not have the monopoly on brown, and if everything brown immediately made you think of poo, why do you eat chocolate and furnish your second lounge room with antique furniture?
3) DISLIKING BROWN CARS IS RACIST
I had to check that JK Rowling hadn’t said something along those lines on Twitter, but I think I beat her to it.
4) THIS CLASSIC FERRARI IS BROWN, AND YOU LOVE IT
It’s a 1:43 scale model ‘FERRARI 375MM SPIDER N 105c, WINNER GOLDEN GATE PARK 1954’, raced by Jack McAfee, none of which I’ve ever heard of, or could find on Google, but it’s probably all true.
I’ve decided it’s a beautiful alt-colour for a Ferrari.