I am currently dating someone who is very big, actually obese… His weight has been an issue to me since we met, but I’m not the best looking person either and it’s not all about looks and we get along well, so we are still dating. He decided to lose weight which makes me very happy. However, he said he weighed himself at the beginning of his year and has been eating much healthier and going to the gym and exercising 4-5 times for a few months now, but he only lost a few kg. Now he said he lied about his weight earlier and he actually lost over 10 kg. I’m not really sure what to believe and the last month he only gained weight. I’m very concerned for his health, my dad was an amputee because of diabetes and I don’t want him to end up like that. I’m trying to be supportive and make salads and cook healthy dinners for him and say I’m proud he is going to the gym, but his weight is becoming a bigger issue to me, especially we are still dating and not being very serious, because if my family meets him, they – especially my very fit and athletic brothers – will destroy him and make fun of him. I’m really struggling with this and I don’t know what to do anymore. I really don’t want to end everything because of his weight, that’s just terrible, especially because he is really working on it. Any ideas how to deal with this???
Oh, I don’t care about a little chubby and I don’t want him or ask him to be perfect. I’m just very concerned that after over 6 months, his BMI is still 35
First of all, good for you for encouraging him. It really is all you can do. Encourage him.
However, if he can’t commit to weight loss, what else will he have problems committing to? Your future? If you ever have children will he commit? Saving for retirement? I would give him 6 months to a year max to get his ᴮᵁᵀᵀ in gear. You and he both deserve a partner that is going to give 100% and actually live to a decent age and be able do things required to just live (such as house work, a job etc.). If it progresses, you already seem to know what that is like with your father. You deserve a partner who can take care of them self. You will become a care giver if this keeps going on.
Give him an ultimatum. I know it sounds horrible, but if he doesn’t get his ᴮᵁᵀᵀ in gear and get out of the obese category, you need to leave. especially since you “not very serious” about the relationship. What are you hanging on to then? Do you want to be a care giver and not a partner for the rest of your life?
Also, don’t put yourself down like that. I know what it is like to not feel like you do not look good, but you should not just settle because of that.
Any ideas how to deal with this???
My question for you is, WHY would you deal with this?
Considering he hasn’t even met your family yet, I’d imagine the relationship isn’t that serious. He was obese when you met him, he’ll likely be overweight (or at least struggle with his weight) his whole life.
Are you even attracted to him?
Why are you asking this?