My 13 year old daughter wants to try smoking?

my daughter and I are really close and she recently confided in me should would like to smoke, just to try it. I asked her if any of her friends smoked and she said ……. did but they aren’t friends with her anymore.

Im really worried because Im not a smoker, but i think perhaps she might get something of a person in the street if we don’t give her a cigarette, and we don’t want this to happen.

I dont want to give her anything but….?

What do I do?

45 Answers

  • I found this question interesting because I accidentally happened upon it on my way to the pregnancy section… and today happens to be my 4 year anniversary of not smoking! Yay! I don’t know if I am necessarily qualified to give you advice on how to handle your teenage daughter because I am only 21 myself… but I am a soon to be mommy, and I quit smoking at the age of 17 when I met my husband. I started smoking very heavily at the age of 13 (a good half pack a day in the begining, and moved up to over a pack a day) but I had actually tried smoking quite a bit before that. My parents didn’t know for a while, but I think when I was about 14 is when they both found out. My dad was ᴘιssed, and my mom was crushed. But at the same time? Neither of them did anything about it. They are divorced, and had completely different styles of raising me… and I actually lived with my mom, who has been my best friend for years. We are very very close, and I love her to death. She is a GREAT mother, in every way shape and form. However, I do wish that she would have gotten on my case about smoking!! She didn’t get too stern with me about it, because she was concerned that I would disconnect from her, and of course at the time it WOULD have made me rebel against her and all that, but it would have been for my own good. I screwed up my body real good (actually gave myself asthma) and boy was it hard to quit smoking!!! Now that I quit 4 years ago, I STILL think about smoking! Yes, I am very glad that I quit, but when I get stressed out? Or even when I’m out w/ my friends having a good time? I think about smoking at least once a day. I’ll never do it again, thanks to my darling husband 🙂 Not to mention my daughter on the way… but it is something that will effect the rest of your daughter’s life. It’s SO easy to get into, and it’s SO hard to stop.

    On one hand it might be good to let her try one in hopes that she hates it, but at the same time even if she hates it, she could still start smoking. I remember my first couple were disgusting… lol. But I kept doing it. Then it gets easier and easier, and better and better. So, my suggestion is to just say no. Sure she’ll be mad… and she might get one from someone else, who knows. But you dont’ want the guilt of knowing that you helped her start. And if she DOES get one from someone else, and it becomes a habit, you’ll be able to figure it out, and at that point, you need to be the one to say “NO. Enough is enough” which she won’t take seriously if you gave her the first one. Ya know? (also, if she DOES end up smoking in the future and ever wants to quit? Please, buy her the nicotine patch! It’s illegal for her to buy under 18, but it makes a huge difference in your success of quitting… I couldn’t have done it if my parents and husband, who was my bf at the time, didn’t buy them for me)

    That’s just my opinion… and that’s my plan if my little girl ever hits that stage. I pray that she won’t have the crazy ideals that I did as a kid, and that she ends up much more like my sisters. I love my life, and yes I’ve been through some crap that’s made me who I am today…. but I will NOT let my little girl go through the same crap I went through to get to where I am now.

    Sorry this was so long, but I hope it helped.

    I wish you SO much luck, because I know that must be a hard circumstance to be in (just from being on the other side) and I know she will be frustrated now, but she will understand later on in life! I promise.

    Take good care, both of you.

  • I understand her wanting to do it just to try it. My advice is to make clear the dangers and risks, and let her know that smoking is NOT OK for a 13 year old. That being said, I’d let her have a puff or two of the nastiest cigarette you can find so she can see that there’s nothing appealing about it. If she goes on wondering, she might get one from a friend who smokes, and that friend will encourage her to keep doing it. That friend can also supply her with them too.

    It’s best that she experiences it and hates it with you than experience it when it’s cool and encouraged by her friends.

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  • I would print off all of the statistics on smoking and all of the dangers, and explain to her that she doesn’t need to smoke to seem “cooler”, that if it is a matter of looking older, or to impress boys that she doesn’t need to change anything about herself to be more noticeable. Since you two seem to have a close relationship with very open communication (Good for You!!!) that she will listen well to what you have to day. Tell her that if she has any friends that are pressuring her or that are wanting to try it that she could be a really good friend and talk them out of it. Make sure to let her know that you are so proud of her for telling you. Kids can apply for scholarships now for being smoke free all through school… You could also make some kind of “deal” with her for completing school smoke free!

  • There is nothing you can do to make her not smoke. If she wants to do it bad enough then she will find a way to do it. If you are as close as you say you are then maybe you should educate her on the damage that smoking does. Sometimes it just takes one but would you want to live with the guilt of having a sick daughter because you gave her her first smoke? Its a tough situation good luck.

  • Rach, she is at the age when it is time for her to try it. Don’t be preachy and judgemental – most of all, don’t ruin your close relationship with her. Go out and buy a pack of good cigarettes – I recommend Virginia Slim Menthol Lights and a lighter. Then take her home and make an evening out of it. Play dressup with her one last time. Put makeup on her, fix her hair, and then bring out the cigarettes. Try it with her. Be patient and gentle, and show her how to do it right. Show her how to light one, how to puff, and then how to inhale without coughing. Make it a fun, giggly experience for both of you.

    If you need help with the inhaling part, write and I can help. Done correctly, you can keep her from becoming addicted while at the same time giving the two of a private activity that you can always share. Remember, a little bit of smoking isn’t going to hurt her, and it could actually do wonders for her self-esteem and popularity, and give you and her a wonderful close relationship that will last the ret of your (long) lives.

    Good luck, and please write!

  • Don’t give her a cigarette. Nicotine is very addictive even after one cigarette. It can be very harmful. She is only 13 years old. Have a sit down time with her and tell her what can happen. Tell her how you feel if she tried. I know I would be very upset if I had a 13 year old daughter who would want to try smoking. Just have a little talk with her. If she doesn’t listen bring her to a counselor. If you and her are that close, there is a good possibility that she will listen to the things you have to say. Just please whatever you do, do not give her a cigarette!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE (:


  • What will you do if she says she wants to try drugs?

    I think it’s better to give reasons why smoking is no good, and not let her smoke.

    She should know that like any other woman she was born with a finite number of eggs in her ovaries and whatever she does to her body will affect her future children.

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